You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
