remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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