oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
