you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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