what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
