Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
