we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I had to cum in my sink.
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