Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
