Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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