honey bunches of taint.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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