Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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