P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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