How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
