The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
