just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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