I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
