this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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