ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
