i just wanna soil my oats bro
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
