so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
