My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If its not for food we ain't going out.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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