If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
