Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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