just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
