Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
