She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
