Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The struggles of a small town man whore
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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