if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Enjoy the penises
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
