dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
