we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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