We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
