I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
