She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
