everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
