I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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