I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize