Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
