I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
