I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
