I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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