i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sext me about skeletons
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
