Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
