Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
