So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
