I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im six kinds of drunk right now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
