im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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