There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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