If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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