ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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