and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
