Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
