UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
