i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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