Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize