Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
