even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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