Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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