Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
