So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
