i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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