I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
