I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
