Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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