i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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