that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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