We are two peas in an std pod
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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