remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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