Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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