My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
