You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
