I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
