So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
