Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
